WHAT IS THE SECRET TO LOVE? WHAT IS THE PRICE FOR LOVE?

Think of Love as a Purchase. Are you really willing to pay the price? But what is that price for love?

Are you married? Do you want love??? Do you?? Do you really?? At what cost do you want this love? Are you willing to pay the price for what it takes? Your actions may be revealing that you have not been willing to pay the price for love.

    Of course, this sounds like a dumb question, right? Who does not want love? We all want it desperately. So then why is it so hard to have a good ongoing loving marriage? It is because we are unwilling to pay the price for this love. Most of us are not even aware that weare making a decision on whether or not to pay a price for this love. It just seems like it doesn’t work out despite our best efforts and we do not know why.

Why am I talking about paying a price for love? Love should just be there. It is not like love and the welfare of my marriage is a product you can just go online and buy more. You cannot just go to the store and purchase three more boxes of love.

I am talking about this concept of paying a price in order to prove the point of what choices we end up making on a daily basis in our life and in our marriage. Talk about paying a price helps illustrate the concept more vividly than we are usually aware.

CAN I BUY THREE BOXES OF LOVE PLEASE?
     When you go to the store in order to buy a head of lettuce, a new dress, or a new sports car, we want to know that we are getting a good value for our dollar.  We do not want to pay an overly exaggerated price for that product. If we are being good, smart shoppers we will know what the market holds, and we will know if the price is fair for the value of the quality of what you want, right? If a product or service is not seen as worth that much money, then we choose not to buy it.

Every day decisions, not just those involved with intimate relationships, all involved a choice of whether to do this or do that. Each possible decision we make has benefits and costs. In economics terms, financial decisions are often made doing a cost/benefit analysis. While this may sound very dry and academic, in reality, our brains do these computations all the time, all day, every day.

Should I wake up now or sleep for 10 more minutes? Do I wear nice clothes today to work or just whatever I first find? Should I stop and eat some donuts on the way to work or just eat healthy? We also make big life decisions at times, such as, should I quit my job and go to work at this other company, or maybe start my own business?

These big decisions are easier to see how we analyze the pros and cons before making the decision. However, the simple decisions mentioned earlier always happen very quickly. These decisions will often be made without a good logical analysis, ending in bad consequences which we then regret later. Not weighing the pros and cons well can result in big failures in life. It might have seemed like it was an okay thing to sleep five more minutes at the time, but then you were fired from your job for it.

One small bad decision may hurt you a little or a lot. However, what about the accumulation of several little bad decisions? If you are not careful, they can ruin you before you even realize that you were making bad decisions in the first place. Many internet gaming businesses are aware of this truth. They have learned to use several small little purchases to rob us. There are numerous videos games and smart phone games out there that are free or cheap to buy. However, they can kill you financially by having micro-purchases available. For just one little dollar here and five there you can get through that tough level or have an advantage over the competition. Many teenagers have incurred huge bills without realizing they were doing so until it all added up and it was too late, only to end up with very angry parents. I think it’s very similar to that in marriages. Our happiness is built upon all those small little micro-transactions.

THE LOVE STORE

You may think you are, of course, willing to pay any price for love in your marriage. However, you may not even have been realizing that you have been choosing all along to reject the price. Most of the problems that ruin a marriage and steal away the love come down to small little Interactions and small decisions. The end result of whether or not the marriage survives and thrives could be seen as the sum total of these micro transactions.

Shopping for Love


What is this huge cost to having a marriage that so many of us do not even realize we are saying is too high? The cost is… Pride. Pride is the underlying,and sneaky factor that comes into play in our subconscious that determines how we act towards our spouse and determines if there’s going to be more love or less. Pride is a very subtle danger. It is in everything wrong with this world.
     In a previous article I discussed the subtle dangers of pride and how it affects us much more than we ever could realize. You do not have to be arrogant or conceited to be prideful. Every sin is ultimately prideful and can sneak up on you without you realizing it. To put it simply, pride occurs anytime you put your desires or needs ahead of God’s or others. It is also when you think you know best, or when you insist on having things done your way. The things that cause conflict and how well or poorly it is handled all depends upon pride. The success or your marriage will depend upon your ability to identify little moments when you are putting yourself before others and before God.

Conflict Resolution

     Before we examine conflict and how pride is the price you must pay, let us first get an overview of nature of conflict itself. The specific different ways in which conflict can happen in a marriage are too numerous to get into in depth here as much as I would like to do. Let me put these problems into two broad categories: the initiation of conflict, and how you handle conflict once it begins.

     Conflict arises because one person gets annoyed with the other one. This initiation of conflict can further be divided into two areas: Good reasons to be annoyed, and bad reasons. As an example, let us say that a wife becomes annoyed with her husband. The genders could be reversed, of course. In this conflict, it could be that the husband really was in the wrong, doing something he should not have, or not doing something he should have done. He spent money on something he should not have without his wife’s permission, for example.

On the other hand, however, it could also be that he did nothing too wrong and it was the wife that became angry for no good reason. Maybe she was stressed with all the pressures on her and became irritated with him and yelled just because he did not clean something just right, though he cleaned it perfectly well. We must look at pride from both angles.

Let us look at a genuine offender (all of us at times).  If this is you, are you doing something your own way, that is, pridefully doing your own thing regardless of how it may affect others, even though you know others will not like it? This is indeed selfish and will, understandably, cause the other person to get upset. Remember the store question? You want love. But in this case, it will cost you to swallow your pride and think about what you are doing and if it bothers someone, stop doing it. Do you want love, or do you want your own way? Is doing the thing that you know bothers someone, or in other words, doing it your own way pridefully, worth it?? Is the effort of taking out the trash worth love?

Marital Conflict: No Fun!

On the other hand, what about the false accuser, the one who becomes too easily annoyed by small minor behaviors? This is not about when you have a good reason to be irritated. Instead, you are being too picky about what makes you mad. Nothing hurts and shocks me more than to just be minding my own business, doing nothing wrong and then be yelled at suddenly. There are multiple possible real reasons for the underlying anger. However, to let it out on an unsuspecting and undeserving person, namely the love of your life, is very harmful. Acting in this way is a strong statement that you value getting out your feelings more than you wanted that love. Getting angry like this is sometimes due to needing things to be done a particular way, your way, and hence, prideful. Are you willing to let go of some control over how things are done? Is that a price you are willing to pay? What about for Love?

When you do have a right to be mad because he or she was selfishly annoying, how do you handle it without giving up your purchase of love? You certainly do have a right to communicate your feelings. You have been wronged. Your loved one did something mean, the one person you depend upon the most disregarded your feelings and put themselves first. They did not think that love with you was worth the cost of their pride. Thinking of it like this hurts, but this is how our brains were already interpreting it. So, what do you do? How do you respond? Is the Love with them worth your pride?

YOU WERE NOT WORTH THE PRICE

If you yell back rudely, you will then be acting disrespectfully and hurtful back. Are you yelling and screaming rudely, coldly, unloving? Are you putting your desire to feel better and lash out ahead of the marriage and love? Honestly, it does feel good in the moment. But when you do that you just decided that the cost of the purchase of love with your spouse was too high for you to pay. It does not matter what they did before. Your decision is your own and will determine the course of your marriage. Or, are you acting pridefully as well now? Are you going to act on what feels good in the moment, pridefully, or are you going to put your loved one and God first? You can speak, but do all things in love (1 Cor 13).

Jesus preached love. He taught us to show love to all, even to our enemies. Is your spouse your enemy? Of course not! Yet, it feels like it when they do not choose love for you. However, is tit-for-tat the way to get love? No! It may feel like they are your enemy in the moment, but they are not at all. Will you pay the price for love when they have chosen not to pay it? If you want love, if any marriage wants love, letting go of pride, being vulnerable and trusting in God’s love,is the price need to purchase love. Is it worth it?? Ohh yes!

It is wise to be aware of every decision in a conflict, and to know that it is in your own, your spouses, and the marriages best interest to pay that price. You can take steps on how to do this by learning techniques and practicing them in your mind ahead of time. But then after a fight where conflict did occur, and things went wrong, take the time to analyze what you did and how you made the wrong decisions and decided the love was not worth it in that moment.

NO CONFLICT DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE

Just because there is no conflict does not guarantee love in your marriage, not by a long shot. Acquiring love does not just magically happen with no effort. If you refuse to go to McDonald’s and eat fast food, does this mean that you will automatically have healthy foods in your house? No. You must actively go out and buy vegetables and such.  To have love in your marriage, you must purposefully go off to the store to buy the love you so dearly desire.

If you do not think about actively pursuing love for your spouse and your marriage, you are making a choice against love, whether you realize it or not.In the immortal words of the Great philosopher 80’s rock band Rush: “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.” (I am not supporting this group! I do not know them at all. I just like this line.) Whether you realize it or not, you are choosing love or not in every day moments. Imagine being on a train track and trying to decide if you should get off the tracks or not. Sooner or later the train will come, and your choice will be made! What if you sat in your house trying to decide if you should go buy food or not? If you do not decide, you have made a choice to die of starvation.

Let me go back to pride. If you are not actively seeking love and ways to show your love, you are still being prideful. You are putting yourself first by being in your own world, making yourself and your own desires, even your problems. Your main priority of your attention. When you do this, you are making them your treasure, and in a way, your god. (“Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:21)

Bargain Prices On Love

A good spouse will look go looking for love. If you want a love filled marriage, you need to actively search for ways to buy it here and there. You need to realize that there are places that you did not even know you could buy love. You can get love at simple places like your cell phone, the couch, the grocery store. A sweet little heart emoji text in the middle of the day, a back rub before bed, a thoughtful little gift at the grocery store are all places where love is available.

The great thing is that you can get a great deal on love in these places. It does not cost you much effort or pride when you actively go to get it. Just the thought of wanting to purchase love on your own, actually ends up getting extra bonus bits of love in the mind of your spouse. Think of how hard it is to bite your tongue and show love in the middle of a conflict? That is a high price to pay for love, though necessary. But it does not take a lot to take a few moments to look your spouse in the eyes and tell them how pretty/handsome they are and how much you love them. You just bought a bunch of love at bargain prices!

Every Day, Decide To Improve Your Relationship

So, you want to save your marriage, improve the quality of your relationships, get him to love you? Put these tips to use. Purposefully love, actively love your spouse, your children, your coworkers, your friends. Love is worth any cost. Love is w

Are you married? Do you want love??? Do you?? Do you really?? At what cost do you want this love? Are you willing to pay the price for what it takes? Your actions may be revealing that you have not been willing to pay the price for love. But what does Love cost? How on earth is this cost too much, when we seem to value love so dearly?

Of course, this sounds like a dumb question, right? Who does not want love? We all want it desperately. So then why is it so hard to have a good ongoing loving marriage? It is because we are unwilling to pay the price for this love. Most of us are not even aware that we are making a decision on whether or not to pay a price for this love. It just seems like it doesn’t work out despite our best efforts and we do not know why.

Why am I talking about paying a price for love? Love should just be there. It is not like love and the welfare of my marriage is a product you can just go online and buy more. You cannot just go to the store and purchase three more boxes of love.

I am talking about this concept of paying a price in order to prove the point of what choices we end up making on a daily basis in our life and in our marriage. Talk about paying a price helps illustrate the concept more vividly than we are usually aware.

What Is Love? Think Of Love As A Decision To Make A Purchase

     When you go to the store in order to buy a head of lettuce, a new dress, or a new sports car, we want to know that we are getting a good value for our dollar.  We do not want to pay an overly exaggerated price for that product. If we are being good, smart shoppers we will know what the market holds, and we will know if the price is fair for the value of the quality of what you want, right? If a product or service is not seen as worth that much money, then we choose not to buy it.

Every day decisions, not just those involved with intimate relationships, all involved a choice of whether to do this or do that. Each possible decision we make has benefits and costs. In economics terms, financial decisions are often made doing a cost/benefit analysis. While this may sound very dry and academic, in reality, our brains do these computations all the time, all day, every day.

Should I wake up now or sleep for 10 more minutes? Do I wear nice clothes today to work or just whatever I first find? Should I stop and eat some donuts on the way to work or just eat healthy? We also make big life decisions at times, such as, should I quit my job and go to work at this other company, or maybe start my own business?

These big decisions are easier to see how we analyze the pros and cons before making the decision. However, the simple decisions mentioned earlier always happen very quickly. These decisions will often be made without a good logical analysis, ending in bad consequences which we then regret later. Not weighing the pros and cons well can result in big failures in life. It might have seemed like it was an okay thing to sleep five more minutes at the time, but then you were fired from your job for it.

Love is the Sum Of Many Decisions

One small bad decision may hurt you, but just a little. However, what about the accumulation of several little bad decisions? If you are not careful, they can ruin you before you even realize that you were making bad decisions in the first place. Many internet gaming businesses are aware of this truth. They have learned to use several small little purchases to rob us. There are numerous videos games and smart phone games out there that are free or cheap to buy. However, they can kill you financially by having micro-purchases available.

For just one little dollar here and five there you can get through that tough level or have an advantage over the competition. Many teenagers have incurred huge bills without realizing they were doing so until it all added up and it was too late, only to end up with very angry parents. I think it’s very similar to that in marriages. Our happiness is built upon all those small little micro-transactions.

What Is The Price Of Love? The Definition Of Pride

You may think you are willing to pay any price for love in your marriage. However, you may not have realized that you have been choosing all along to reject the cost as being too high. Most of the problems that ruin a marriage and steal away the love come down to small little interactions and small decisions. The end result of whether or not the marriage survives and thrives could be seen as the sum total of these micro transactions.

Shopping for Love


So, what is it?What is this huge cost to saving a marriage that so many of us are not willing to pay? The cost is… Pride. Pride is the underlying, and sneaky factor that comes into play in our subconscious. It determines how we act towards our spouse. Pride determines if there’s going to be more love or less. Pride is a very subtle danger. It is the very essence of every sin.
     In my YouTube Video, I discussed the subtle dangers of pride and how it affects us much more than we ever could realize. I am not talking about being arrogant or conceited. To put it simply, pride occurs anytime you put your desires or needs ahead of God’s or others. It is also when you think you know best, or when you insist on having things done your way. The things that cause conflict and how well or poorly it is handled all depends upon pride. The success or your marriage will depend upon your ability to identify little moments when you are putting yourself before others and before God.

Conflict Resolution

Before we examine conflict and how pride is the price you must pay, let us first get an overview of nature of conflict itself. The specific different ways in which conflict can happen in a marriage are too numerous to get into in depth here as much as I would like to do. Let me put these problems into two broad categories: the initiation of conflict, and how you handle conflict once it begins.

Conflict arises because one person gets annoyed with the other one. This initiation of conflict can further be divided into two areas: Good reasons to be annoyed, and bad reasons. As an example, let us say that a wife becomes annoyed with her husband. The genders could be reversed, of course. In this conflict, it could be that the husband really was in the wrong, doing something he should not have, or not doing something he should have done. He spent money on something he should not have without his wife’s permission, for example.

On the other hand, however, it could also be that he did nothing too wrong and it was the wife that became angry for no good reason. Maybe she was stressed with all the pressures on her and became irritated with him and yelled just because he did not clean something just right, though he cleaned it perfectly well. We must look at pride from both angles.

Let us look at a genuine offender (all of us at times).  If this is you, are you doing something your own way, that is, pridefully doing your own thing regardless of how it may affect others, even though you know others will not like it? This is indeed selfish and will, understandably, cause the other person to get upset. Remember the store question? You want love. But in this case, it will cost you to swallow your pride and think about what you are doing and if it bothers someone, stop doing it. Do you want love, or do you want your own way? Is doing the thing that you know bothers someone, or in other words, doing it your own way pridefully, worth it?? Is the effort of taking out the trash worth love?

Marital Conflict: No Fun!

On the other hand, what about the false accuser, the one who becomes too easily annoyed by small minor behaviors? This is not about when you have a good reason to be irritated. Instead, you are being too picky about what makes you mad. Nothing hurts and shocks me more than to just be minding my own business, doing nothing wrong and then be yelled at suddenly.

There are multiple possible real reasons for the underlying anger that leads to the misdirection of anger. However, to let it out on an unsuspecting and undeserving person, namely the love of your life, is very harmful. Acting in this way is a strong statement that you value getting out your feelings more than you wanted that love. Getting angry like this is sometimes due to needing things to be done a particular way, your way, and hence, prideful. Are you willing to let go of some control over how things are done? Is that a price you are willing to pay? What about for Love?

Now, when you do have a right to be mad, because he or she was selfishly annoying, how do you handle it without sacrificing love? You certainly do have a right to communicate your feelings. You have been wronged. Your loved one did something mean, the one person you depend upon the most disregarded your feelings and put themselves first. They did not think that love with you was worth the cost of their pride. Thinking of it like this hurts, but this is how our brains were already interpreting it. So, what do you do? How do you respond? Is the Love with them worth your pride?

YOU WERE NOT WORTH THE PRICE

If you yell back rudely, you will then be acting disrespectfully and hurtful back. Are you yelling and screaming rudely, coldly, unloving? Are you putting your desire to feel better and lash out ahead of the marriage and love? Honestly, it does feel good in the moment. But when you do that you just decided that the cost of the purchase of love with your spouse was too high for you to pay. It does not matter what they did before. Your decision is your own and will determine the course of your marriage. Or, are you acting pridefully as well now? Are you going to act on what feels good in the moment, pridefully, or are you going to put your loved one and God first? You can speak, but do all things in love (1 Cor 13).

Jesus preached love. He taught us to show love to all, even to our enemies. Is your spouse your enemy? Of course not! Yet, it feels like it when they do not choose love for you. However, is tit-for-tat the way to get love? No! It may feel like they are your enemy in the moment, but they are not at all. Will you pay the price for love when they have chosen not to pay it? If you want love, if any marriage wants love, letting go of pride, being vulnerable and trusting in God’s love,is the price need to purchase love. Is it worth it?? Ohh yes!

It is wise to be aware of every decision in a conflict, and to know that it is in your own, your spouses, and the marriages best interest to pay that price. You can take steps on how to do this by learning techniques and practicing them in your mind ahead of time. But then after a fight where conflict did occur, and things went wrong, take the time to analyze what you did and how you made the wrong decisions and decided the love was not worth it in that moment.

NO CONFLICT DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE

Just because there is no conflict does not guarantee love in your marriage, not by a long shot. Acquiring love does not just magically happen with no effort. If you refuse to go to McDonald’s and eat fast food, does this mean that you will automatically have healthy foods in your house? No. You must actively go out and buy vegetables and such.  To have love in your marriage, you must purposefully go off to the store to buy the love you so dearly desire.

If you do not think about actively pursuing love for your spouse and your marriage, you are making a choice against love, whether you realize it or not.In the immortal words of the Great philosopher 80’s rock band Rush: “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.” (I am not supporting this group! I do not know them at all. I just like this line.) Whether you realize it or not, you are choosing love or not in every day moments. Imagine being on a train track and trying to decide if you should get off the tracks or not. Sooner or later the train will come, and your choice will be made! What if you sat in your house trying to decide if you should go buy food or not? If you do not decide, you have made a choice to die of starvation.

Let me go back to pride. If you are not actively seeking love and ways to show your love, you are still being prideful. You are putting yourself first by being in your own world, making yourself and your own desires, even your problems. Your main priority of your attention. When you do this, you are making them your treasure, and in a way, your god. (“Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:21)

Bargain Prices On Love

A good spouse will look go looking for love. If you want a love filled marriage, you need to actively search for ways to buy it here and there. You need to realize that there are places that you did not even know you could buy love. You can get love at simple places like your cell phone, the couch, the grocery store. A sweet little heart emoji text in the middle of the day, a back rub before bed, a thoughtful little gift at the grocery store are all places where love is available.

The great thing is that you can get a great deal on love in these places. It does not cost you much effort or pride when you actively go to get it. Just the thought of wanting to purchase love on your own, actually ends up getting extra bonus bits of love in the mind of your spouse. Think of how hard it is to bite your tongue and show love in the middle of a conflict? That is a high price to pay for love, though necessary. But it does not take a lot to take a few moments to look your spouse in the eyes and tell them how pretty/handsome they are and how much you love them. You just bought a bunch of love at bargain prices!

Every Day, Decide To Improve Your Relationship

So, you want to save your marriage, improve the quality of your relationships, get him to love you? Put these tips to use. Purposefully love, actively love your spouse, your children, your coworkers, your friends. Love is worth any cost. Love is what makes us truly happy in life. So many people get divorced, or part ways, because they did not want to pay the price of their pride. It seems like a high price at the time, but many of us regret not paying it later after the love is gone. We did not realize that we were choosing pride over love and intimacy until it was too late. Make wise decisions to purposefully love your spouse, before it is too late.

*****************************

NEED FURTHER RELATIONSHIP HELP?

What makes us truly happy in life? So many people get divorced, or say goodbye, because they did not want to pay the price of their pride. It seems like a high price at the time, but many of us regret not paying it later after the love is gone. We did not realize that we were choosing pride over love and intimacy until it was too late. Make wise decisions to purposefully love your spouse, before it is too late.