My Personal Persona

I adult when I have to, but I will always be a big kid.

My dad taught me from an early age to be a gentleman. My dear Mother was an amazing woman with a strong Christian faith and taught me well. Me, my older brother and sister grew up in a lower middle class to middle class environment.

I've always been one to desperately want affection and love. I am more sensitive and emotionally articulate than most men, thinking in some ways like a lot of women. However, I also try to be very logical and analytic. I always try to see the best in people and sometimes I get burned because I give people the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately, being a psychologist does not mean you can control other people and I myself am far from perfect. Studying relationships since I was 15, I believe I know how to be a good loving spouse. However, I stink at picking the right one for me. I always tend to see the best in people., I too understand divorce and how difficult that can be.

I was in an open marriage with my second wife. This lead to many adventures. I learned a great deal about sexual issues that helped me put my training into personal experiences which have helped me immensely in being a better sex therapist.

I understand personally what depression and anxiety feels like. However, I have fought hard to always remain positive and look at the bright side of life.

In my fun time I am still a gamer, an original Atari kid. Gaming is great, but has to be done in moderation. I also love hiking and reading. I love my five rescue kitties and miss my big rescue polar Bear (my Great Pyrenees).

How is a Psychologist different than a Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist, or Counselor?

I am a psychologist. To be a psychologist, one has to have a Master’s degree and a Doctoral degree from accredited programs in psychology. Psychologists have the highest level of training for a counselor. We do psychological tests and assessments, and of course, counseling. Counseling and psychotherapy are basically the same thing.

A psychiatrist, in contrast, is a medical doctor just like any other medical doctor, except the last part of their training is in mental health, especially in medication management of mental illness. They do not usually do much psychotherapy.

An LPC, or Licensed Professional Counselor, also does psychotherapy, but just has a Master’s degree, not a doctoral degree.

Psychotherapy is like an art. You need a natural ability, but it helps to have as much training as possible. You can be a gifted counselor but not have the training. Or you can have a lot of training, like a psychologist, but not have the natural talent.

Thus, the best is someone that has both the natural gift and the most training. Add in good experiences after their training and that makes the best psychotherapist.

My Faith.

Best definition of Faith: A reasoned trust. None of us ever want to be illogical. None of us want to put our trust into something that does not make sense and will thus let us down. I use cognitive behavioral therapy and my practice as I believe logic is the best way to get through life as healthy and happy as possible. One’s view spirituality should be the same. Unfortunately most of us put our faith into something without truly looking into it. Being Catholic, or being an atheist, because our parents or friends told us to do so, is just blind faith, not genuine, logical Faith. Exploring, in earnest, all perspectives and seeking truth wherever it may take us, is the best way to approach spirituality.

I am a Scientist. I believe there's much more evidence and rationality for believing in the Bible and Christianity than there is in Atheism, or any other belief system. I believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven. I believe God loves each and every one of us more dearly than we could ever imagine. He loves you so much that He willingly chose to die for you, even with all your scars and faults. However, keep in mind that Christianity is not just a set of beliefs, like being a Republican or Democrat. Christianity is first and foremost a relationship with a real person.

If you disagree with this, that is perfectly fine. My job as a psychologist is not to convince you of my worldview. If you share this world for you and I will use it to help in therapy but if not that is perfectly okay.

God wants us to have Independence and Free Will. He values that immensely. I'm not here to judge anybody. And I am certainly not here to say I am a better person than anybody else. God above all else, knows that this is certainly not true!

I know that many of my clients have been hurt by a religious systems in the past. There is true biblical Christianity, defined only by looking at the whole Bible, and then there's the harsh, judgmental religious views that a few Christian churches have proclaimed. Be careful not to stereotype all Christians as being too judgmental or kind based only upon the loud minority of Christians who are unloving.

While I am a literalist, I'm not a legalist. I believe the stories of the Bible are all true and really happened. I believe Jesus is not looking at a check mark list to see if you need enough points to get into heaven, but is looking at your heart.

How can I be a Christian and a sex therapist? Easy. I believe God made our bodies and our emotions to respond strongly to sex. As my pastor, Max Lucado, once said, Christians should be having more and better sex than anybody. Christians do not have to be all prim, proper and uptight all the time. Jesus loved hanging out with the “low lifes” of his day, and they love hanging out with Him. In therapy, I invite everybody to be genuine and real, to curse and address openly their true feelings, even if not seen as “proper.”

Again, no one will get any kind of negative judgmentalism or preaching from me. You will get only acceptance and love.