Polyamory, Swinging, & Open Relationship Counseling
Alternative Lifestyle (and Vanilla) Relationship Help.
Relationships involving more than two people - Ethical Nonmonogamy - can be very rewarding, but difficult to execute well. Let me help.
In recent years, many people are exploring romantic and sexual relationships involving more than just their one primary partner. This can be very fun and exciting but managing the jealousy, expectations, and boundaries can be a challenge. Are you curious?
You are wanting to explore outside relationships but are not sure about how to share this with your partner. You love them and do not want to hurt them, but you are just wanting more.
Or, your partner is coming to you saying they want to swing, or be polyamorous. You do not want to lose them. You are hurt and not sure you could handle sharing them with another. However, you love them and want to make them happy.
Logically, you may know that your love is secure with your partner, but jealousy keeps rearing its ugly head. This jealousy can cause us to act in ways that really do not help our situation at all and just causes more problems.
Maybe you both want to explore these lifestyles. However, you are worried about being a good moral person. You do not want to cheat. You do not want your partner to cheat. You want the security, but also the excitement and freedom.
Communicating these desires to your partner is not easy. And even if both want the same thing, communicating all the specifics of what behaviors are okay and what are not okay, can be difficult. Even figuring out for yourself about how you feel about different specific activities is a challenge. This is especially true, because you do not even know enough to know what you do not know in this whole area.
Are you wondering how you, as a couple, even begin to engage with others? How are swinging, polyamory, and open relationships different? Most have a hard time defining these differences.
Polyamory Blogs coming soon!
Managing Open Relationships is NOT Easy
Opening up your relationship to others is being talked about a lot recently. Being curious is understandable. Being cautious is also understandable.
There is nothing wrong with you or your partner if you are having difficulties understanding how to safely go into these relationships, or if you should go into it at all.
It is also common to have problems with the thought of how to share your partner. Most of us have deep insecurities. It is not easy to trust that our partner loves us and is not going to leave if they spend time with another. We are taught from a young age that we are supposed to be possessive of our romantic love. Monogamy, we are told, is the only way to have a healthy relationship. We are taught to be jealous.
Learning How to Communicate Well and Set Boundaries is the Key
Just as with any relationship, vanilla or alternative, being able to communicate well is so important. Every relationship is difficult to manage. You are dealing with two unique people who want love and yet are both imperfect people. On top of the normal everyday difficulties, couples dealing with other people have many brand new dilemmas to encounter, and good communication skills have to be in place.
Setting boundaries on what kind of behaviors will or will not be allowed is another major component that has to be addressed. Addressing these as early as possible, instead of after the fact is also very helpful.
How I Can Help
I have been studying relationship communication for 40 years now, since I was 15 (geek). I can help teach real world effective communication. I will not give cookie cutter, academic rules that sound good in a sitcom, but not in real life.
In addition, I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help both of the couples understand their own thoughts and those of their partners in order to
I have a deep understanding of what these relationships are like. I have been down these paths and can guide you through the wilderness to emphasize the good parts and avoid the pitfalls. I know a great deal of specific behaviors that i will usually come up so that we can all talk about what is acceptable and what behaviors are too intimate and cross the line.
What if My Partner and I Cannot Come to an Agreement?
I will work hard to present all potential landmines that couples often encounter on this type of journey, in order to help avoid them and stop problems before they happen at all. I will discuss all sides of the picture, the pros and cons of going into these types of relationships at all.
Maybe it is best not to go into these polyamory or swinging in the first place. Sometimes the feelings of one of you are just too strong to move forward. both people’s feelings need to be heard, understood and respected.
I will try hard to make sure everyone feels heard and validated. And most importantly, I will try to make sure you are validating each other.
Case Examples
A couple wanting to explore threesomes.
A thruple (three people romantically involved with each other) mangaing the time allocation for each other.
One partner is not interested in outside relationships but is allowing the other to explore, but within set boundaries.
What Sets Me Apart as a Marriage Counselor/Relationship Counselor
I am not just a Sex Therapist, but also a fully trained, doctoral level psychologist.
In addition, I am also experienced in these areas personally.
From Jealousy to Compersion
I can guide you through this complex but potentially rewarding life.