Sex Therapy: A Wonderful, but Dangerous World of Sex.

We all have deep feelings about sex, very personal feelings. Most never talk about it openly with someone. Sex is a very important part of our own personal life and certainly of any romantic relationship. Sex is meant to be a beautiful, meaningful, and fun aspect of life. Unfortunately, sex can also be a cause of much hurt and pain. Yet even though it is a fundamental issue in each one of us, we usually keep our feelings closely guarded, afraid that if anyone knew what we are thinking, we would be ashamed…and we would be totally rejected.

Some have problems being vey against sex, or strongly craving sex. Others have developed bad sexual habits or have committed some very regrettable acts sexually, either online, or in person. Of course, this includes adultery and infidelity. Marriages and relationships can potentially fall apart because of these bad habits, though this does not have to be so.

The internet and smart phones have made sexual temptations through pornography (porn) much too easily accessible, contributing to porn addiction. Enjoying porn has always been seen by society as inappropriate. But now with the smart phone, one has access to an infinite number of beautiful people, doing every kink imaginable, in all positions-and all available instantaneously. Porn, in and of itself, is not necessarily a problem. However, when it interferes with your ability to function sexually, or takes away your enjoyment or ability to have good meaningful sex with your spouse, then it does become a problem.

Mismatched sexual desires between partners is a common problem. This can result in many hurt feelings and torn relationships.

Having sexual trauma in your past can emotionally cripple even the strongest of us. Some have horrific memories of being sexually assaulted, which the person has difficulty forgetting, resulting in PTSD.

The development of unique special sexual preferences, referred to as kinks or fetishes, can occur, sometimes in spite of the person’s wishes. These preferences can include BDSM (bondage, domination/discipline, submission/sadism, masochism). These fetishes are usually looked at very negatively by society, and also by their own partner.

Sexual performance issues are a common but important set of problems: Premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, often caused by performance anxiety, and inorgasmia, or the inability to orgasm. These people are trying their best to have a healthy sex life, but anxiety gets in their way.

Sex is also a natural and healthy part of any marriage or serious romantic partnership. However, good sex does not just come easily to many, and sex can just become boring. They could use a helping hand with ideas, bringing back the spark in the bedroom.

While not directly related to sex, feelings of anxiety and depression are naturally either the result and/or the cause of many sexual problems.

Having someone who understands and cares to share your secrets with in a safe place can be very Liberating and Empowering.

The most healing event can occur by being heard and accepted, dirty secrets and all. There should be no shame in facing the sexual part inside of you, and it is best to do so with a full doctoral level psychologist who is professionally trained but also personally experienced in sexual issues, in addition, one that will not judge you. I will work hard to understand your unique views on sex, relationships, and your self-esteem.

My clients feel like they have a safe place to go to be able to be fully open and honest in regards to their inner thoughts about themselves and others. Our desires can be hidden from everyone around us, including our significant other. These desires can even be hidden from ourselves.

I like to see therapy as the client and I working as co-detectives to uncover the hidden thoughts in our minds that are secretly controlling our problem behaviors. I am not the expert on you. Only you know you. Although each of us can not always see the forest for the trees. That is where I come in.

I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) while doing sex therapy to help my clients understand themselves better. It is the most commonly used, most researched, and most beneficial form of therapy out there. I have been learning about it since I was 15 years old, studying relationships. It is a clear, simple way of seeing our problems, and the solutions we need.

We should not think of ourselves as simply bad or perverted. My job is to help you learn to be happy, but in a deeper, longer-term way. I am not here to judge or scold. I am here to help you see what is working in your life and what is not, and to help figure out how to get you to that place of happiness, for both you and your partners.

Sex therapy for women, as well as men.

Women are often afraid to deal with sexual issues with a male therapist. That is understandable, and often, therapy is best with a female therapist. However, there are times when a male therapist, acting in the utmost professional and respectful manner, can be the most therapeutic for her.

Many woman have only had relationships with men who used them sexually. They have learned that men only care about them and value them for one thing. It can be very healing for her to experience a caring relationship with a man, a relationship that is not at all sexual and whom he values her for who she is on an emotional and intellectual level.

I have worked with numerous women who have been abused by men. I have helped validate their feelings and helped them to not be victims. I have taught them to be strong, empowered women, who value themselves and are ready for healthy relationships.

Of course, I have worked with countless women whose partners have cheated on them, or had problems with pornography. I can help them understand the situation from a male’s perspective, not to justify it of course, but to help them help their partners issues. I have also helped many women get out of abusive relationships.

Even though I am a man, I do tend to be more relational and emotionally sensitive and articulate, like many women. However, I still try to think logically and understand the male perspective.

Will This Really Help?

I guarantee that I will take the time to personally get to know you and your specific story. Every person is unique and has worth. I will use my 25 years of doctoral experience, 30 years professional counseling total) to help you understand yourself and find healthier alternatives.

In all these years, I have helped numerous clients learn to love themselves again and be more empowered to express their sexuality in a healthy safe way, and to have better relationships with their partners. I do try to work as fast as possible and take as few sessions as possible to resolve the issue.

There is never a guarantee in therapy. Success is dependent upon a lot of factors. The client’s honesty and humility in examining their heart and desires and being open in sharing these with me, play a huge role in this outcome.